


Precious and Cherished

by dcjuris



Series: Being Human [14]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: M/M, Multi, No Smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-10
Updated: 2019-06-10
Packaged: 2020-04-23 21:05:06
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 991
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19158961
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dcjuris/pseuds/dcjuris
Summary: Cas thinks Sam has left them. (These works are not in any order at all, other than the way they come to me.)





	Precious and Cherished

Cas wakes with a start, as usual. He sits up, runs his hands along the blanket, digs his fingers into the fabric to ground himself. He's in his bedroom, in the Bunker. He languishes for a moment, indulging in the feel of the firm mattress, the soft flannel of his pajama bottoms—the comfort. Comfort, like so many things, was different when he was an angel. Back then, comfort meant the absence of pain. Now, it means the absence of pain but also the _addition_ of serenity and rightness, and that's something no angel can truly understand.

Cas sniffs the air, breathes in the aroma of bacon and coffee. And suddenly he's drawn like a magnet. He slides his robe on and steps into slippers. He's still conscious of the fact that it's fifty steps from his room to the kitchen, but those steps aren’t a measurement of effort now. Now, they're a countdown to even more comfort.

"Mornin'," Dean greets as Cas enters the room. He's at the stove flipping pancakes, his back to Cas, dishtowel thrown over his right shoulder. He's not singing this morning, like he normally is.

And then Cas notices something else is different. "Where is Sam?"

"Sam left last night."

Dean's still talking, but Cas can't hear him. There's a sound like rushing water filling his ears, muffling everything else, like he's drowning. Panic climbs his spine and his heart hammers, tripping up his lungs and making it hard to breathe. Sam left. Sam. Left.

It must be because of something Cas did. There's no other explanation. Sam and Dean were a unit before him, and now they're not. He wracks his brain, going over everything that's happened since closing the Gates. He's been difficult to deal with—he knows that. Navigating humanity has been far harder than he ever would've expected. It's been too much for all of them. And on top of it all, they let him into their relationship. It's clear now that was a mistake, and overstep on his part. Maybe if he leaves, Sam will come back.

"Cas!"

He blinks back to reality, to find Dean standing in front of him, gripping his upper arms. "I’m sorry!"

Dean shrugs and pats his shoulders before turning back to the stove. "'Sokay, man. Breakfast is almost ready, sit."

But Dean doesn't understand. "It's my fault."

Dean spins back to face him. "What?"

"It's my fault."

"What is?"

"I've been too much of a burden. Asked too much." He holds out a shaking hand to Dean. "I can go. I…" He has no idea _where_ he'll go, but if it brings Sam back, he'll go. "I…I can find work…somewhere. I can—"

"Cas, what the hell are you talking about, man? You want to leave?" Dean frowns.

"I have to. I have to go." He needs to make Dean understand somehow.

"Why do you _have_ to?"

"So Sam will come back."

Dean shakes his head. "Wait…what? Dude, Sam went to a _wedding_. He didn't _leave_ leave. Didn't you hear what I said?"

Cas' mind takes several seconds to catch up to Dean's words. "He… went to a…wedding?"

"Yeah. Hey…" Dean moves into Cas' personal space, reaches up and cups Cas' cheeks. "Calm down. He didn't leave us. He didn't leave you, Cas."

The tight ball in Cas' chest uncoils a little. "You're certain?"

"I think the conversation would've been a lot longer if I thought he was leaving."

Cas squints at him.

"You don't believe me?"

"I want to." More than anything, he wants to. "But historically you've proven to be a skilled liar. Better than myself or Sam."

Dean lets him go and laughs. "Yeah, okay. I'll buy that." He pulls his phone out of his back pocket and holds it out to Cas. "Call him."

Cas stares down at the phone. Terror creeps up his spine. On the one hand, if he calls, and Dean is right, he'll be relieved. On the other, if he calls and Dean is _wrong_ , he'll be devastated.

Dean sighs and dials Sam's number.

Sam answers after two rings. "Hey, handsome! What's up?"

"Hey! I've got Cas here. He's convinced you left us for good last night."

"Wha—What? Cas? Hang on." Sam says something to someone on his end of the world and Cas hears a door open and close. "Okay. Sorry. Had to get outside where we can talk. Didn't Dean tell you where I am?"

"Oh, I did. Apparently I'm a better liar than you, though."

Sam laughs. "I guess that's a good point. Cas, why would you think I left?"

The burn of shame twists Cas' guts and snatches his ability to speak.

"Cas?"

But Cas can't answer him.

Dean clears his throat. "He's worried he's too much for us. For you, I guess."

"Cas, that's not true, okay? It's not true at all." He sighs heavily. "Dean?"

"Sam's right. You're not a burden, or a hassle, or anything else you're thinking right now."

And Cas can see it now, in Dean's eyes—all the love in the world. He has no idea how he could've questioned it. He blinks against the sting of tears. Being human is so difficult. One minute he feels worthless, the next he feels precious and cherished. "I'm sorry," he whispers.

"Don't," Sam murmurs. "Dean?"

"Yeah, I got him." Dean sits the phone down and uses his thumbs to wipe the tears from Cas' eyes. "Shhh, angel. It's okay."

"It's okay, Cas," Sam echoes.

 

Three days later, Cas sits in the Bunker living room on the couch, sandwiched between Sam and Dean as they watch a documentary on bees. Again. Sam's arm covers his shoulders and one of Dean's. Dean's hand rests on Cas' leg. He feels it again—precious and cherished. Sam presses a kiss to the top of his head and Dean squeezes his thigh.

"You okay, angel?"

"Yes." And he is.

**Author's Note:**

> I'm also a published author. If you like my writing style, check out my published works on Amazon by searching "DC Juris" - that's me. :-)


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